Nuwas

A grandson of my unkle, who once lived with me, amused me with a real story. His grandpa bought a pair of slippers from the local fair. As soon as he got home, the youngest child in the family took the slippers to try on. Before the naughty boy could step out of the room, the slippers, not only cheap, but also as crisp as biscuits, broke into two under his feet. Here ends the story. I could not help laughing, and said:"It is truly made in China."

My father has never learned to speak Russian, even though, in his seventies, he still remembers one word, which he encountered during his middle school time. Spectacularly, the word is "перо", meaning "the writing point of a pen", or "nib". His favorite word is always a laughing stock that I am used to bother him with, whenever he starts to boast about his studies during the 1950's, when the whole of Chinese worked for the liberation of all human beings. "Why is перо your only word?" I would challenge him. "I do not know." He would answer embarrassedly. In 1999, when I met Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin in the corridor before my dormitory room in UIBE, I recounted my father's story to him, which amused him too. "Your father should have learned more." He suggested in English. Until fairly recently, when I looked through a digital textbook of Russian printed in 1951, I came across the very word "перо"

1999年，在临近大学毕业的那一年的四五月份，我和室友刘延祥发生的冲突。因为我长期闭门造车，和其他同学缺少交流，不参加他们的聚会聚餐，导致他对我的一些做法非常看不惯。一天晚上乘着我睡觉，他竟然将一块蘸了乙醚的白布蒙在了我的脸上。之后，他残忍地强奸了我。这种伤害，到今天已经过了快20年，我都没法忘记。 当时，打电话给公安，公安让我上门去报案；即便我说不认识路，他们也要我自己去找。几次三番下来，我打算自己解决和刘延祥的仇恨。我先口头诅咒了知情不报的同学，说上天一定会惩罚你们这些见死不救的畜生，并在外教的课上说"Death is the beginning of all the punishment on you all!" 这一言论，不仅引起校方的关注，而且还引起了国际关注。 一天晚上11点多，我已经躺在床上睡下的时候，被嘈杂声吵醒。定神一看，发现我们伟大的领袖、人民的慈母吴仪和刘延祥就站在我的床边说笑。20年后的今天，我敢相信，他们当时把我当间谍上报给了时任经贸部部长的吴仪，才导致后来一连串的因果。 吴仪问我怎么知道美国军方会在科索沃袭击中国大使馆，是谁告诉我的，是我从哪里知道的，是谁幕后指使我的，有没有和法轮功有染，认识不认识李洪志...... 我傻傻忽忽告诉吴仪我有超能力。为了证明给她看，我演示了漂浮术，并声称我自己就是一千多年前生活在印度和斯里兰卡的真神Rama Krishna当今的转世人身。眼见我的超能，吴仪开怀至极，说这是缘分，注定要和我有这一遭。 我向吴仪提出了几个条件，希望中共中央能在北京给我分配一套装修好、带家具的房子，给我安排一个工作岗位，给我十二亿人民币的资金启动下一个科研项目。我向吴仪保证绝不会浪费中共的一分钱，我要把2008年5月12日在四川汶川北川一带发生的地震预报弄出来呈现给中国，以表示我的衷心。吴仪却说我是欲壑难填。 就在1999年5月7日中国驻科索沃大使馆被炸的近一个月前的某天晚上，我的外教在我漂浮过程中突然冲进宿舍，在看到我后他立刻来了个九十度鞠躬。之后不久的另一天晚上，美国前总统夫人希拉里克林顿出现在了我的宿舍门前的走廊里。 可惜我错误地判断了形势，认为可以利用美国帮助我逼宫中共接受我的条件，满足我的要求。我当着希拉里，吴仪，和众多同学和老师的面漂浮在空中，还自编自演唱了好几首原创的