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脏话连篇的吴仪

谁能想到:白发苍苍的吴仪,全身犹如上了弹簧,又跳又蹦,唾沫横飞,指天画地地骂人?!

我多次奉劝她不要倚老卖老,请自重。可是她呢,一副痞子相,歪这头竟然笑眯眯了起来,色得像是个嫖客,没有一丝女人的贤淑。

“我日你妈的比!” 是她的口头禅。
“我日你妈的三白六十五天!” 是她骂我这个穆斯林家庭出生的人的专用语。
“丧家之犬,惶惶不可终日!” 是她引用来骂我的最有文化的一句话。
除此之外,她还骂我是“洋奴才”、“狗才” ......

吴仪被捧为“铁娘子”,可是德国总理默克尔却因为看见仪的所作所为而称她是“Iron Mary”。这个词绝不是奉承吴仪,因为说她的时候,默克尔是怒目睁眉的。

邂逅陈佩斯

不知道是谁,是用什么方式将一根带把的磨尖了十字形切口的钢条放在了我的书包里,当我激烈地咒骂吴仪是婊子妓女的时候,竟然在211宿舍的高低床上放着的绿色双肩包里发现了它。我心中一喜,真是大恩大德,能让我以报血仇。我抽出十字形长刀,冲到藏在房门后的吴仪,我蹲下身,只听吴仪大喊"你想干什么?!"。我那管得了回答她的问题,顺势向上刺进了她的骚穴处,那真是解恨呐!你吴仪什么没有,连我这么个学生都敢弄昏了把你的一身猪肉压在我的身上!

几天之后的晚上,著名小品演员陈佩斯出现在了211宿舍,他对吴仪深情表白:他打小就喜欢吴仪,仰慕她,可惜直到当时才见面。

我有意戏耍他们,就说:"人民的慈母,伟大的领袖,你看到了吧,这世上喜欢你的大有人在,你怎么敢一树梨花压海棠?!"

吴仪冷冷地说"是我瞎了眼!" 陈佩斯不失时机地也扭头对我说"有什么不敢!"

我对陈佩斯说:"既然你爱她如此悠久,如此深切,你还不底下你的头把你的嘴对上她的屄,好好证明给我看。"

陈佩斯毫无迟疑,低下身子把头脸埋在吴仪的裤裆处一阵狂舔。

我都笑了,对吴仪说:"可喜可贺,如今见到了真心喜欢你的。" 之后又对陈佩斯说:"隔靴搔痒多难受,你何不脱掉慈母的裤子,把她的屄好好舔舔,说不定以后你飞黄腾达,指日可待了。"

陈佩斯一声不吭就将吴仪的裤子脱了,突然吃惊地问:"这是谁干的?!"

我凑了过去,看见吴仪阴部的白毛已经挂掉了,一个红色十字伤痕俨然可见。

中国能出这样的领袖,是老百姓的不幸,更是我的不幸。先是被上铺同学羞辱,后被吴仪这绝世的婊子糟蹋.......上天有眼,还我公道!

邂逅袁隆平

吴仪怎么都不敢相信,区区一个学生,怎么可能知道专家都不可能知道的地震预测。她不仅叫来了国内外的文艺名人来鉴别,甚至还有中国国内一些知名科研人员,比如袁隆平。

1999年的某天晚上,吴仪一脸油腻地笑眯眯,在211宿舍门口和我一起见到了这位水稻专家。我问他能不能在海水中培育出水稻。袁隆平一脸波澜不惊,说这是他这辈子最后一个研究项目。说完他就走了。

吴仪无不诧异地盯着我,看了半天,突然一声不吭,冲着我伸出大拇指。

我问她:"既然你相信我有能力看出汶川一带在2008年5月12日有地震,问什么不能把这个荣誉给我呢?!"

吴仪轻蔑的回答:"你不配,荣誉属于我们自己人!"

我问她谁是自己人,吴仪避而不言。

The Chinese Nightmare

Maybe, it is the general belief that one nationality speaks one language, one nationality believes one religion, and one country belongs to one nationality. China is not pleased with its ethnic minorities, especially those who are struggling for independence, either linguistically or politically or economically. There are rather many odds that have happened because of religious, linguistic racial, and territorial conflicts.

In Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region, a lot of natives from Uygur and Kazak can speak but only Chinese, thinking their own as the rustic.

In Gansu province, some blond Chinese built up strongholds to attract tourists, claiming that their ancestors were legionary soldiers from Rome.

Near Amur River, some Russians living in China dream to marry the local Chinese so that they could have Chinese-looking children.

Across the Chinese mainland, quite a few Muslim descendants are accepting the Chinese lifestyle of drinking alcohol, eating pork and celebrating Chinese fe…

A pair of Chinese slippers

A grandson of my unkle, who once lived with me, amused me with a real story.

His grandpa bought a pair of slippers from the local fair. As soon as he got home, the youngest child in the family took the slippers to try on. Before the naughty boy could step out of the room, the slippers, not only cheap, but also as crisp as biscuits, broke into two under his feet.

Here ends the story. I could not help laughing, and said:"It is truly made in China."

My father's only Russian word

My father has never learned to speak Russian, even though, in his seventies, he still remembers one word, which he encountered during his middle school time. Spectacularly, the word is "перо", meaning "the writing point of a pen", or "nib".

His favorite word is always a laughing stock that I am used to bother him with, whenever he starts to boast about his studies during the 1950's, when the whole of Chinese worked for the liberation of all human beings.

"Why is перо your only word?" I would challenge him.

"I do not know." He would answer embarrassedly.

In 1999, when I met Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin in the corridor before my dormitory room in UIBE, I recounted my father's story to him, which amused him too.

"Your father should have learned more." He suggested in English.

Until fairly recently, when I looked through a digital textbook of Russian printed in 1951, I came across the very word "перо". Unexpect…

我举报,1999年吴仪在经贸大学男生宿舍211迷奸少数民族学生

1999年,在临近大学毕业的那一年的四五月份,我和室友刘延祥发生的冲突。因为我长期闭门造车,和其他同学缺少交流,不参加他们的聚会聚餐,导致他对我的一些做法非常看不惯。一天晚上乘着我睡觉,他竟然将一块蘸了乙醚的白布蒙在了我的脸上。之后,他残忍地强奸了我。这种伤害,到今天已经过了快20年,我都没法忘记。

当时,打电话给公安,公安让我上门去报案;即便我说不认识路,他们也要我自己去找。几次三番下来,我打算自己解决和刘延祥的仇恨。我先口头诅咒了知情不报的同学,说上天一定会惩罚你们这些见死不救的畜生,并在外教的课上说"Death is the beginning of all the punishment on you all!" 这一言论,不仅引起校方的关注,而且还引起了国际关注。

一天晚上11点多,我已经躺在床上睡下的时候,被嘈杂声吵醒。定神一看,发现我们伟大的领袖、人民的慈母吴仪和刘延祥就站在我的床边说笑。20年后的今天,我敢相信,他们当时把我当间谍上报给了时任经贸部部长的吴仪,才导致后来一连串的因果。

吴仪问我怎么知道美国军方会在科索沃袭击中国大使馆,是谁告诉我的,是我从哪里知道的,是谁幕后指使我的,有没有和法轮功有染,认识不认识李洪志......

我傻傻忽忽告诉吴仪我有超能力。为了证明给她看,我演示了漂浮术,并声称我自己就是一千多年前生活在印度和斯里兰卡的真神Rama Krishna当今的转世人身。眼见我的超能,吴仪开怀至极,说这是缘分,注定要和我有这一遭。

我向吴仪提出了几个条件,希望中共中央能在北京给我分配一套装修好、带家具的房子,给我安排一个工作岗位,给我十二亿人民币的资金启动下一个科研项目。我向吴仪保证绝不会浪费中共的一分钱,我要把2008年5月12日在四川汶川北川一带发生的地震预报弄出来呈现给中国,以表示我的衷心。吴仪却说我是欲壑难填。

就在1999年5月7日中国驻科索沃大使馆被炸的近一个月前的某天晚上,我的外教在我漂浮过程中突然冲进宿舍,在看到我后他立刻来了个九十度鞠躬。之后不久的另一天晚上,美国前总统夫人希拉里克林顿出现在了我的宿舍门前的走廊里。

可惜我错误地判断了形势,认为可以利用美国帮助我逼宫中共接受我的条件,满足我的要求。我当着希拉里,吴仪,和众多同学和老师的面漂浮在空中,还自编自演唱了好几首原创的歌。那些歌曲中有要求Whi…